EmptyMy room is foreign.
All look odd and distorted.
And I, am not in my own body,
everything feels so wrong.
Things are missing.
Nothing is right.
If I don’t find something familiar,
At school, I am numbed
everything is as it was before
and I get a second of relief
I can take a breath.
Until the next moment
I find myself again,
unable to fill my lungs as if someone is drowning me
in icy cold water
that feels like a thousand needles.
That one trigger,
that makes me plunge
back into those ghastly waters.
Sometimes it’s a person
or the slightest sign of sorrow or loss
that drowns me in the murky water, suffocating me
if someone dare mutter that word…
I am as deep as ever in the icy black waters
unable to come up for air.
As the water takes hold of me.
I fight and fight,
but they pull and claw at me,
until I finally give in.
Then I see someones’ hand
emerging from the darkness,
waiting for me to take hold.
He pulls me back up.
And in that moment,
he is my hero.
I keep reassuring myself
that he will be there when I return home from school
that I can embrace him
that I can look into those big round eyes
so pure, filled only with love
that he will lick my cheek
and that I will feel that little white body,
wriggling with joy in my arms.
Everything will return to the way it was.
I jab my key into the door
turning the lock with no hesitation.
But then I stop,
I can feel the bone chilling waters
lapping at my ankles
I know what is coming, but I wish and hope
with all my might that maybe, maybe…
I slowly open the door
and stand in the dark doorway,
The usual scurrying of feet coming from the kitchen
the gleeful yapping
Nothing is there.
Just the silence of a cold empty home,
there, waiting for me.
Once again, I am consumed in the dismal waters.
I guess I just can’t accept
that he will never come back
that I will never see him
until that one day in the far far future
when I will look into those irresistible eyes
when I will hear his heart warming bark
when I will be able to cradle that small white body
in my arms once again and nothing, not even death
will tear us apart.
[TABLE OF CONTENTS, LHS CLASS OF 2013 EDITION]
Copyright © 2002-2011 Student Publishing Program (SPP). Poetry and prose © 2002-2011 by individual authors. Reprinted with permission.