Alixe C.

The Burden

Someone who is supposed to be my everything,
To tuck me in at night
With the warmth of his hands giving me hope, safety
Is nowhere to be found

The title is there, but the hundreds of pages to follow
Have been viciously ripped out, leaving scars
The daily aching of the heart is a steady reminder

His mistakes, become my hardship
Excuses come flying out as if I were a compulsive liar
Each one soothing the soul a little more
Denial becomes the best medicine

Finally living without his emotions beating down on me
Like waves crashing on sharp rocks
I have reached low tide,
But it is never long until the next storm brews

Multiple talks are carried out
Words make progress
Provide hope and satisfaction for the sinner
While my heart remains in a firm stance

Hes ready; Im far from it
The answers he desires are as unknown as my feelings
Try, try and try again to find the core of my resentment
I am a bird with a broken wing
When will I go free?

The guilt piles up
The sour pit of my stomach starts to rumble
At the verge of rupturing
The past is replayed in my head
As if it was on a crystal clear flat screen
Vivid as ever

Nothing can change the
Nights I lied in bed with tears creating my blanket
The days I was forced to be my own role model, savior and bodyguard
The nights you spent with her
And the nights you spent without us.

Obsessing is only self destructive
I must stand strong
Accept the unacceptable
Be not afraid of relapse

Let him write a new story
Because at the end of the day
The aisle seems pretty long
When alone on your wedding day


Copyright © 2002-2011 Student Publishing Program (SPP). Poetry and prose © 2002-2011 by individual authors. Reprinted with permission.